


Snatching Band-Aids

by animehead



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 07:22:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/659366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animehead/pseuds/animehead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, you know exactly what you’re doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snatching Band-Aids

_We need to talk._

You’ve been dreading those four words ever since you started dating Jake English. You’re not a pessimist, but you knew they were coming. Knew it from the start no matter how hard you fought against it. 

_It was inevitable really._

You watch him as he stares down at the ground, the sole of his boot scratching along the grass below his feet. “I’m not sure how to say this, Dirk,” he says. “I worry that we won’t be bros afterward and I don’t like that idea at all.”

You imagine him rehearsing the lines to the break up speech he has for you. He doesn’t want you, but he doesn’t want to hurt you. 

_Too fucking late._

“Dirk, I—”

“You don’t have to say it,” you say. You know what he wants to say, but you don’t want to hear it. You don’t  _need_  to hear it. You’ve done everything you could, gave everything you have, but it wasn’t enough. You weren’t enough. 

_Maybe you never will be._

“I know you’re eager to pull the trigger and all, get on with your life, move forward, forget the things holding you back—”

“Dirk—”

“Look, just let me do something first. It won’t have to mean anything.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Sit down.”

“Dirk—”

“Jake, just humor me, okay?” 

He sighs and the anger you feel from it bubbles inside of you, thick and heavy and not you at all. You’re not angry at Jake, you’re angry that in the few short months you’ve been together you weren’t able to keep him happy. 

_You’re angry at yourself._

Jake sits down and you sit down next to him. You lean against him, your forehead pressed against his. “Can I kiss you?” You whisper against his lips and he sighs again, softer this time, like he’s considering it. 

_Like he wants to._

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” He asks you. 

“One last time,” you say. You know you sound needy, and desperate, and clingy— all those things that pushed him away in the first place. 

_But you don’t care._

You want to remember the feel of his lips against yours, how soft his tongue is when it glides into your mouth. You want to tangle your fingers into his hair, convince yourself that he still needs you like you need him. 

“All right.”

When he kisses you, it’s almost like the first time— awkward, clumsy, and wet. His hand finds its way to your cheek, drags downward, caressing the spot on your neck that he marked with his mouth just days ago. 

You reach up and grab his wandering hand. You lower it back down, letting it hang at his side while you continue to kiss him. You couldn’t make him happy. 

_You don’t deserve his touch._

He gasps when your hand slides between his legs, palming one of the two parts of his body you’ve spent hours daydreaming about. “Dirk,” he breathes out, but you don’t reply. Slowly, your hand glides back and forth and you feel him harden against palm. 

_He doesn’t stop you when you unfasten his pants._

The sound of his heavy breathing on spurs you on. Your mouth is around his cock, licking, sucking,  _tasting_  him. You don’t ever want to forget the twinge of pain in your jaw, or the pull at your lips when you stretched your mouth around him. Blunt fingers massage your scalp and tug carelessly at your hair. 

He whimpers when you bob your head even faster and you reach up your hand to blindly undo his tie. You wish you’d taken off your glove, so you could fully appreciate his warm skin against all of your hand and not just fingers. 

_The hair on his chest tickles your fingertips._

There’s undeniable pain when he yanks on your hair, but the sting you feel on your scalp does nothing to dull the pain in your chest. He shouts your name when he cums, splattering onto your cheek and his chest. You take in the sound of him panting, the moans and whimpers tumbling from his lips. You’ll store them in your memory, to help remind you that it happened, that it was  _real_. 

_You’ll never ever forget them._

His thighs are trembling, so you drape your leg over his when you sit up. You don’t want him to ruin his outfit, no matter how ridiculous it looks. 

_You lick traces of him off your fingers._

“Well,” you say after a moment. His eyes are glossy behind his glasses, and you can’t help but find the dazed expression on his face rather endearing. 

_You’ll miss it._

“Well, what?” He says. 

It’s your turn to sigh now, so you do, loud and over-exaggerated. You can’t let it linger on any longer. Have to do it quick, it’ll hurt less, like snatching off a bandage. 

_Or chopping off your fucking head._

“Let’s get this break up business over with.” You sound calm, nothing like you feel. You’re pretty certain you won’t even cry, not until you’re alone, which you will be. 

_You should be used to that by now._

“Break up,” Jake repeats and his eyes widen. “Well, I… I don’t want to do anything _too_  rash. Perhaps I jumped the gun a bit.” He looks like he’s genuinely worried that you’re ready to quit fooling yourself. 

_You wish it were real and not just the dopamine talking._

“We could both use some space, I guess.” You say. That’s not how you feel. Your whole life has been about space, so much space you could fucking get lost in it. But this isn’t about you. This is about Jake and what he needs and you don’t know what that is, but it obviously isn’t you. 

_At least not right now._

“Yes,” Jake agrees. “Space… B-But nothing too drastic. We’re… we’re still bros, aren’t we, Dirk?”

“Of course.” You don’t even have him and he’s still all you have. Jake and Jane and Roxy… They chipped away some of the loneliness, broke down some of the barriers, destroyed some of the walls, at least enough to stand beside you. One day you’ll find a way to thank them for that. 

_When you’re good enough._

Jake doesn’t call you to come back when you leave and you don’t know whether you’re hurt or relieved. You guess a little of both. 

But that was twelve weeks ago and not much has happened since then. You’ve raided some tombs, pilfered some grist…

_You’ve reached God Tier._

But right now, you’re just sitting around, waiting. You’re not exactly sure what you’re waiting for or how long you’ll be waiting for it. Hell, you aren’t even sure where you are. Wherever it is, there’s lots of clouds and you stare up at them, letting your imagination create images of things you haven’t seen in months and people you’ve never seen at all. More often than not, you get messages on your phone, but you opt out of checking them. 

_The clouds demand so much of your attention._

**GT:** Dirk…

**GT:** It’s me again just checking on you

**GT:** But i guess that’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?

**GT:** I hope you’re okay, Dirk. It’s been weeks. 

**GT:** Have you’ve been busy raiding tombs, i wonder. Or maybe you’re in some type of trouble?

**GT:** You’d tell me if you were in trouble, right, Dirk?

**GT:** Geez, where the frig are you?

**GT:** I guess what i’m trying to say is that i guess maybe i… miss you 

**GT:** A lot

**GT:** And i’ve been wondering if we could perhaps give this courtship business another go?

**GT:** If you wanted to, that is.

**GT:** I don’t want to pressure you or anything. 

**GT:** Maybe you’d like to hangout soon? Catch up on things. What the devil have you been up to?

**GT:** Dirk???

**GT:** Well, i guess you’re busy. 

**GT:** Talk to you soon, i hope.


End file.
